Actually , I want to live

Hi guys how have you been ? Hoping for us to develop some good attitude since its already a new year. I know what a typical new year wishes .Boring .   Joke on me . I just hope for 2024 that  i will reduce my intake in junk food and hello who just drink chocolate drink at 12.34 am ? ''Me ".  May everyone have a good day neither . 

So ,  back to the topic 

'I want to live ....' 

You know what ? 

I use to think that maybe this world aint mean for me . Maybe i'm totally different and I wont fit  anywhere . I used to think that way in a long period of time . Lets called it as ' at the lowest phase of myself ( which i believe everyone facing these) . Struggling . 

But hey , dun worry . I'm not depressed or anything related to that . I just having flash back on how damage i am before these.

Right now instead of ' I dun fit here ' its been replaced  to ..' I dun care i'll just living the way i want ' . I think the main reason i fall into that 'trap of negative thought ' is because of my  people pleasing behavior . SHAME ON ME  . I care too much about what others think about me . I care and keep thinking about it . Their mean words only make me simply admit it without having second thought. Having  a toxic circle and non supportive people around us  can be so dangerous right ? 

For those who related with what i'm saying just now, dont worry you not alone . You know what ? You're the author on your own story . You sail your own ship . Not them . They just  anta ganist in your story thats passing by and will be forgotten . You  will shine in your own way . It takes time for sure ,but sooner or later you'll be fine . Trust me . 

Out of nowhere , I have these thought , 'having a new hope with the  same way of thinking , wont change any , you just self sabotage yourself  over and over again while hoping for the different ending.Thats such a waste of time right ? In the other example , blaming others instead of improving yourself wont giving you a good ending. So keep moving and have a good self talk . I'm not lying self talk do help a lotttt . Please do love yourself more  because if you dont , who will ? 

Till then , and keep breathing :) .