Hi good evening  and assalamualaikum . How you guys doing ? Anything new happen lately ? 

Well for me ,  i'm doing well . I think so , you guys  know what ? 

Finally , i get a closure about something :) .  I kinda sad but i feel happy also at the same time . Grateful, at least what i'm thinking all these time is true . 

Somehow , I just realize how unimportant i am to him . Based on his clarification . Thank you for at least say it directly to me. You really treat me like i dont have feeling . 

Idk i can be that dumb . Well , he always like that though .

 It just me who think , maybe i can make he changes if he knows how genuine my feelings towards him. Sigh .

However ,  You cant change people . You cant force them to accept you too . Unrequited love story .Its end here  . Where one of them try to recover from being hurt and another on just simply living like nothing. 

No worries , i already over him since that day , when i left . Right now , it just a closure . So that i wont put any hope on him . I wont feel sorry if i meet anyone else . 

Actually 

I like my sad part 

I mean i like it when im sad , for real 

It gives me so much idea of drawing , writing . It helps me to express myself . 

I feel alive again after that 

I also realize about so many things that make me reflect 

So i wont making same mistake 

I call it as self development 

Everyone who come and go 

It just a lesson for me 

and i'm on my way to become a better human being 

Hope so . 

Thank you for reading , thank you for him also :) 

suggestion song to listen  to ( for today) ⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

: kenshi yonezu - lemon 

Mungkin sudah saatnya aku berhenti  

Berhenti dari sebuah pengharapan.

Bahkan ketika ini aku sedang mencuba

Tapi untuk melupakan suatu nama juga kelihatan payah 

Padahal kamu kan sudah bahagia sama pilihan kamu 

Dan aku masih disini menyesal sendiri 

Kamu benar 

Menyesal itu tidak wajar kelamaan 

Justeru , aku pergi ya . 

Akhirnya perjuangan aku selesaj sampai disini saja. 

Aku tidak kuat   untuk menerima kenyataan 

Bahwa kisah kita itu tidak akan pernah wujud di alam nyata ini . 

Mungkin jika suatu saat , jika kamu tidak terlalu jauh untuk digapai . 

Akan aku usahakan semaksimal mungkin 

Untuk sebuah kita .

Tapi sudahlahkan.  

Ada noktah yang perlu diterima sekarang. 

Doa aku selalu untuk kamu . 

Selamat berbahagia 

Walau jalan kita tidak pernah sama . 

Lately i 've been thinking a lot . Tu la siapa suruh tidur lambat kan dah overthinking.Padan muka . Fikir tentang apa? You know ,  I think about my career , friendship , missing my deceased pet cimerlin and Jodoh . 

Yea jodoh . (Seriously) 

They said jodoh maut di tangan tuhan.Sounds cliche right ?

Seeing everyone already jumpa their own soulmate make me think " maybe i'm not ditakdirkan untuk punya own family dan keturunan sendiri " , " maybe ditakdirkan hidup sendiri sampai akhir nafas " kan .  At certain point i feel like i'll just saving money as much as i can so i wont cause trouble to anyone , then i can use it later when i'm getting old lol.  

Eh , maybe i should just use this time to make my parents , people around me and myself happy.  

Im not always thinking about jodoh . Not at all , but maybe lately i just realize that i have no one to talk to and share my bad day which hurts me a lot . 

But the worst part , when ada orang nak kenal with me , i feel tak suka pula .Terus cut. Tak terbuka hati nak kenal . Idk why i feel like heartless? Idk the right word for it . Tapi bila fikir balik maybe  i have my own reason why i feel this way.Trauma ? Trust issue ?  I do have trust issue since kena betray years ago :') . Idk la . Or maybe i still hoping for that person who i never can even approach . Funny right . Whatever it is , i hope this feeling faded away . I hope i can just spend my time freely without any worries with my hobbies . Lets hope so :) 

 Pov to myself

Dear myself ,

If only you know that  i'm so proud of you.  We did well bruh 🙌. Not much but at least we're still trying right ? Little do you know , we can sleep soundly already. No more crying till asleep feeling so hopeless , when the whole world already in a silent .  Keep thinking will there be a light for us at the end of the tunnel ?  Or should we just continue our sleep in the bubble deep down of the ocean . 

We did a good step you know ? 

We meet our old friends and created memories . I'm so excited  I'm glad also.  

We do miss them right ? But we keep deny it ! We keep saying they dont value us.  They just our past.  But guess what ? We are so wrong . They do miss us and still happy for our presence.  They not even fake it ! You should be thankful , Allah let you meet a very good friends . Who value you just the way you are . 

Lets preparing for next vacation with them okay ?So many things to do right ? I cant wait.  

Pat ! Pat ! 

Hey dont worry ! Dont ruin your happiness with that small worries in your heart . 

Sooner or later we will getting what we want . We do.  We surely get it. I promise you . You just have to wait and dont stop improving yourself , okay ?  Dont worry its your timeline not them . No race . Dont comparing anything okay ? We do fine and great.  Let prove it :) 

Random thoughts : " i realize , with no expectation we do living more freely .

somehow i'm glad on how i think right now. 

the sounds on my head literally decreasing. 

i capable to make a right decision even its take way longer than before ( i kinda annoyed with myself in these part) . ''

Hi guys , i think its not too late for me to wish salam Ramadhan to all my muslim friends ! Hows your ramadhan ? 

For me these ramadhan shows the other side of me , i bet i become more independent. Congrats, dearself . I do enjoy going to bazaar with my clique. 

Hey ! do you know , i do shift my focus  on deco my room to make it more aesthetic.

I need a new fresh haish .

A better room so i can happily take my nap and spend my day gaming all day long oso can. 

welp imma introvert 

I prefer to stay on my room rather than be in public. 

Other than deco my room i also plan to go travel  each month , 

I want to meet all my old friends and make memories with them . 

Last month , i went to Kuala Lumpur to meet my friends , we never meet each other since 2018 . Well i do skip graduation ceremony due to certain issues . We never meet for ages but we not even feel awkward towards each other . We spoke freely and maintain with same attitude . I'm glad ! For real . 

I might make a short entry about my small reunion ( if i'm not forget) . 

Well , until then 

Thank You for reading :)