Being alone make me think about jodoh

By sophea ◇ - 10:40 AM


Lately i 've been thinking a lot . Tu la siapa suruh tidur lambat kan dah overthinking.Padan muka . Fikir tentang apa? You know ,  I think about my career , friendship , missing my deceased pet cimerlin and Jodoh . 

Yea jodoh . (Seriously) 

They said jodoh maut di tangan tuhan.Sounds cliche right ?

Seeing everyone already jumpa their own soulmate make me think " maybe i'm not ditakdirkan untuk punya own family dan keturunan sendiri " , " maybe ditakdirkan hidup sendiri sampai akhir nafas " kan .  At certain point i feel like i'll just saving money as much as i can so i wont cause trouble to anyone , then i can use it later when i'm getting old lol.  

Eh , maybe i should just use this time to make my parents , people around me and myself happy.  

Im not always thinking about jodoh . Not at all , but maybe lately i just realize that i have no one to talk to and share my bad day which hurts me a lot . 

But the worst part , when ada orang nak kenal with me , i feel tak suka pula .Terus cut. Tak terbuka hati nak kenal . Idk why i feel like heartless? Idk the right word for it . Tapi bila fikir balik maybe  i have my own reason why i feel this way.Trauma ? Trust issue ?  I do have trust issue since kena betray years ago :') . Idk la . Or maybe i still hoping for that person who i never can even approach . Funny right . Whatever it is , i hope this feeling faded away . I hope i can just spend my time freely without any worries with my hobbies . Lets hope so :) 

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