Hi guys , saja nak share salah satu puisi yang saya buat dekat sini . I usually memang akan crete a poem for someone yang i feel special . Yet they never or wont ever know about this pun . I keep it secret with me . Macam sedih ja bunyi kan . 

So this puisi is about him . Yang saya kenal sejak April tahun lepas . Meski pun sudah tidak seakrab dulu , namun saya masih bersyukur pernah kenal dia . 

Ini untuk anda :) 

Puisi : Kamu 

Halo buat kamu yang berada di kejauhan

Namun sentiasa aku rasa dekat 

Maaf jika aku pernah menyakiti

Tahulah kamu bahwa itu bukan maksudku juga

Kehadiran kamu 

Sering kali membawa kehangatan

Aku yang dulu terbiasa sendiri 

Malah kini menjadi leka dengan kehadiran mu

Keserdahanaan kamu menyedarkan aku

Bahawa manusia seperti kamu masih wujud 

Manusia yang ku harap bakal menjadi sebahagian diri ku . 

Sering kali aku terleka 

Mengimpikan bahawa kita bisa bersama

Namun aku sedar

Kamu harus aku lepaskan untuk tetap bertumbuh 

Siapa aku untuk kamu hentikan langkah 

Wajar saja kita hanya persinggahan

Yang tuhan temukan seketika 

Untuk berkongsi rasa namun bukan untuk dijadikan tujuan . 

 Hello , assalamualaikum. 

Dah lama tak update dekat sini . Its not because busy tapi i just dont know nak update apa mcm tu . Sounds sgt demotivated kan? Haha.  Trust me i rindu blogging for real.  I just hate the idea my pc rosak.  

Rindu . 

Last weekend kan  i went to G2G Farm Animal . If you asked me , Worth it lah for me . Pergi with my friends and Ayish , best cuma balik memang semua bau kambing lah . Funny . 

Guess what ? They really lepas kan kambing, ostrich and ada iguana yang tengah jalan kat tepi je . No worries mereka semua jinak . Ouh , also ada Capybara yang jalan sorang sorang camtu.Cute isnt it ? I suka concept dorang . Tapi if you guys jenis takut takut better jangan kot . 

Here i tunjuk few gambar . I suka zoo tau . I kalau boleh nak pergi semua zoo kat malaysia ni lol . Boleh ke suggestkan any zoo yang best yet affordable mcm tu . 

For me if pergi sini dengan anak kecil pun okay . Sebab harga kids lain tau dengan harga adult cmtu . Masa balik we singgah tu nearest kedai makan ni . Sampai sekarang i teringat rasa kuey teow goreng dia sedap weyh tak tipu . Banyak betul portion macam untuk dua orang . Dengan tempat cantik . Dia memang tepi jalan je tau .

Cantik right ? View dia pun tepi tasik je . Best untuk tempat lepak mcm tu . My friend cakap air nenas dia pun enak . Idk la sebab i tak minum air buah . Tapi like i said kuey teow dia serious sedap . Kalau lah i datang lagi confirm repeat . Ha camtu perasaan dia.  

Alhamdullilah, Allah for still letting me spend time with people around me :) . I feel blessed . 

Alright, till then . See ya when i see ya :) 

 Dia lagi apa ya sekarang ? 

Setidak pantas itu kah aku di mata dia ?

Ternyata itu ya orang yang aku kalah saing

Aku ditinggal lagi untuk orang lain ya?

Posisi aku terisi oleh orang baru lagi 

Padahal aku masih belum pamit loh 

Mati matian aku melawan logika aku 

Bahwa kita itu tidak pernah serasi 

Setega itu kamu ke aku 

Kamu ganti aku saat aku masih perlu kamu

Tuhan

kenapa aku masih lihat sisi baiknya

Padahal dia sudah jahat ke aku 

Kenapa aku masih senang kalau dia masih ada

Padahal kan harusnya aku marah 

He even cheated 

Why do i still still want to be his friend ? 

Tuhan , semoga aku ikhlaskan semua ini . 

Semoga rasa sakit ini di kasi hadiah yang lumayan ya . 

Kerna sakit kali ini bukan main main juga

Kesal 

Tapi tolong jaga dia 

Kerna dia juga pernah baik ke aku :) 

 Hello guys lol i dont know why i  always leaving this blog for a month and only comeback when its a new month . Sorry yea , i just don't have much to tell . I just living my introvert life peacefully .

Lately i have been kinda stress with work place. Actually i the one of people who rarely talk about work after work hour . Welp , that's nothing wrong with that right ? 

However lately so many people who wanna to resign including share holder so i think its a big thing . I really want to resign but i dont have a back up plan . Even if i do , i will just resign without a new job . Means that i need to wait for awhile while getting a new job . Probably months since its a small town . But i don't want to stay in a toxic environment and work under a poor management anymore .

 I kinda stuck and don't know . I wish i get a new job soon since i apply for some . Please pray for me guys . I hope i start next year with physical , mental and financial stable :) . 

 Good bye October and Hello November ( why October so fast lol ) 

01:43 ━━━━●───── 03:50

⇆ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻

Now Playing : IKON - FLOWER 

'Following the path of clouds
On the other side
Will our old selves still be there?
And I know that I can’t turn back time
Or hold onto you and bring you back'

Here i am wiriting this at 1.30 am -,-

Hi guys .How are you doing ? 

I have random question . 

Have you ever let anyone mistreated you ? 

Just because you appreciate them , afraid of the idea of losing them 

or is it because of love? Really love ? 

Actually, I do feel extremely exhausted when I keep just giving without getting any 

I shouldn't put myself that lower right ? ( i do sabotage myself again *sigh*)

sometimes I feel like I should end this toxic cycle . 

But why , i couldn't ? ( i just afraid the idea of leaving him)

That person can peacefully living their life without you 

But you just there waiting for their response 

Pathetic right ?

lol

Maybe I'm not mean to be treated like human being 

Love is just not for me right ?

Even people around me already prove it , 

I surrounded with people that struggle with their relationship or even already end it tragically 

Is it a sign that i trying to ignore ? 

Maybe i just need to accept that sincerely 

without forcing things when the whole world seems to against it 

(they said your instinct never lies )

we trying to fit on society that not even ours

Hey guys happy weekend ! 

I think i able to balance between being productive and recharging my energy for this weekend . I start a day by 30 mins brisk walk , which im proud i did it :) . I have plan about it since yesterday . I hope i can do it again for tomorrow la .

Actually kan , i thought i will overslept since i sleep at 3 am yesterday after playing games . Thank to my twin for wake me up . Its kinda late because when we went to the park the sun its already above our head even its only 8.40 am . 

After that we go for our brunch at the nearest tesco . I choose bbq nasi ayam since its my fav . The cheapest and yummy ofc . 

Have you guys ever concern about your weight ?Like mine its keep adding numbers lol . No matter how i change my diet or portion of food . Maybe because i always sleep late ? 

So right now instead of focus on diet only . I try to add some routine of exercise , drink more water and puasa sunat on monday and thursday . Semoga istiqamah . 

Any idea of losing weight? Mind sharing ? Who knows its work kan ? 

I think i will stop writing here . Thank you for reading my bored entry . Stay alive and be thankful for everything :) Seeya . 

Hi good evening  and assalamualaikum . How you guys doing ? Anything new happen lately ? 

Well for me ,  i'm doing well . I think so , you guys  know what ? 

Finally , i get a closure about something :) .  I kinda sad but i feel happy also at the same time . Grateful, at least what i'm thinking all these time is true . 

Somehow , I just realize how unimportant i am to him . Based on his clarification . Thank you for at least say it directly to me. You really treat me like i dont have feeling . 

Idk i can be that dumb . Well , he always like that though .

 It just me who think , maybe i can make he changes if he knows how genuine my feelings towards him. Sigh .

However ,  You cant change people . You cant force them to accept you too . Unrequited love story .Its end here  . Where one of them try to recover from being hurt and another on just simply living like nothing. 

No worries , i already over him since that day , when i left . Right now , it just a closure . So that i wont put any hope on him . I wont feel sorry if i meet anyone else . 

Actually 

I like my sad part 

I mean i like it when im sad , for real 

It gives me so much idea of drawing , writing . It helps me to express myself . 

I feel alive again after that 

I also realize about so many things that make me reflect 

So i wont making same mistake 

I call it as self development 

Everyone who come and go 

It just a lesson for me 

and i'm on my way to become a better human being 

Hope so . 

Thank you for reading , thank you for him also :) 

suggestion song to listen  to ( for today) ⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆

: kenshi yonezu - lemon 

Mungkin sudah saatnya aku berhenti  

Berhenti dari sebuah pengharapan.

Bahkan ketika ini aku sedang mencuba

Tapi untuk melupakan suatu nama juga kelihatan payah 

Padahal kamu kan sudah bahagia sama pilihan kamu 

Dan aku masih disini menyesal sendiri 

Kamu benar 

Menyesal itu tidak wajar kelamaan 

Justeru , aku pergi ya . 

Akhirnya perjuangan aku selesaj sampai disini saja. 

Aku tidak kuat   untuk menerima kenyataan 

Bahwa kisah kita itu tidak akan pernah wujud di alam nyata ini . 

Mungkin jika suatu saat , jika kamu tidak terlalu jauh untuk digapai . 

Akan aku usahakan semaksimal mungkin 

Untuk sebuah kita .

Tapi sudahlahkan.  

Ada noktah yang perlu diterima sekarang. 

Doa aku selalu untuk kamu . 

Selamat berbahagia 

Walau jalan kita tidak pernah sama . 

Lately i 've been thinking a lot . Tu la siapa suruh tidur lambat kan dah overthinking.Padan muka . Fikir tentang apa? You know ,  I think about my career , friendship , missing my deceased pet cimerlin and Jodoh . 

Yea jodoh . (Seriously) 

They said jodoh maut di tangan tuhan.Sounds cliche right ?

Seeing everyone already jumpa their own soulmate make me think " maybe i'm not ditakdirkan untuk punya own family dan keturunan sendiri " , " maybe ditakdirkan hidup sendiri sampai akhir nafas " kan .  At certain point i feel like i'll just saving money as much as i can so i wont cause trouble to anyone , then i can use it later when i'm getting old lol.  

Eh , maybe i should just use this time to make my parents , people around me and myself happy.  

Im not always thinking about jodoh . Not at all , but maybe lately i just realize that i have no one to talk to and share my bad day which hurts me a lot . 

But the worst part , when ada orang nak kenal with me , i feel tak suka pula .Terus cut. Tak terbuka hati nak kenal . Idk why i feel like heartless? Idk the right word for it . Tapi bila fikir balik maybe  i have my own reason why i feel this way.Trauma ? Trust issue ?  I do have trust issue since kena betray years ago :') . Idk la . Or maybe i still hoping for that person who i never can even approach . Funny right . Whatever it is , i hope this feeling faded away . I hope i can just spend my time freely without any worries with my hobbies . Lets hope so :) 

 Pov to myself

Dear myself ,

If only you know that  i'm so proud of you.  We did well bruh 🙌. Not much but at least we're still trying right ? Little do you know , we can sleep soundly already. No more crying till asleep feeling so hopeless , when the whole world already in a silent .  Keep thinking will there be a light for us at the end of the tunnel ?  Or should we just continue our sleep in the bubble deep down of the ocean . 

We did a good step you know ? 

We meet our old friends and created memories . I'm so excited  I'm glad also.  

We do miss them right ? But we keep deny it ! We keep saying they dont value us.  They just our past.  But guess what ? We are so wrong . They do miss us and still happy for our presence.  They not even fake it ! You should be thankful , Allah let you meet a very good friends . Who value you just the way you are . 

Lets preparing for next vacation with them okay ?So many things to do right ? I cant wait.  

Pat ! Pat ! 

Hey dont worry ! Dont ruin your happiness with that small worries in your heart . 

Sooner or later we will getting what we want . We do.  We surely get it. I promise you . You just have to wait and dont stop improving yourself , okay ?  Dont worry its your timeline not them . No race . Dont comparing anything okay ? We do fine and great.  Let prove it :) 

Random thoughts : " i realize , with no expectation we do living more freely .

somehow i'm glad on how i think right now. 

the sounds on my head literally decreasing. 

i capable to make a right decision even its take way longer than before ( i kinda annoyed with myself in these part) . ''

Hi guys , i think its not too late for me to wish salam Ramadhan to all my muslim friends ! Hows your ramadhan ? 

For me these ramadhan shows the other side of me , i bet i become more independent. Congrats, dearself . I do enjoy going to bazaar with my clique. 

Hey ! do you know , i do shift my focus  on deco my room to make it more aesthetic.

I need a new fresh haish .

A better room so i can happily take my nap and spend my day gaming all day long oso can. 

welp imma introvert 

I prefer to stay on my room rather than be in public. 

Other than deco my room i also plan to go travel  each month , 

I want to meet all my old friends and make memories with them . 

Last month , i went to Kuala Lumpur to meet my friends , we never meet each other since 2018 . Well i do skip graduation ceremony due to certain issues . We never meet for ages but we not even feel awkward towards each other . We spoke freely and maintain with same attitude . I'm glad ! For real . 

I might make a short entry about my small reunion ( if i'm not forget) . 

Well , until then 

Thank You for reading :) 

Hi guys how have you been ? Hoping for us to develop some good attitude since its already a new year. I know what a typical new year wishes .Boring .   Joke on me . I just hope for 2024 that  i will reduce my intake in junk food and hello who just drink chocolate drink at 12.34 am ? ''Me ".  May everyone have a good day neither . 

So ,  back to the topic 

'I want to live ....' 

You know what ? 

I use to think that maybe this world aint mean for me . Maybe i'm totally different and I wont fit  anywhere . I used to think that way in a long period of time . Lets called it as ' at the lowest phase of myself ( which i believe everyone facing these) . Struggling . 

But hey , dun worry . I'm not depressed or anything related to that . I just having flash back on how damage i am before these.

Right now instead of ' I dun fit here ' its been replaced  to ..' I dun care i'll just living the way i want ' . I think the main reason i fall into that 'trap of negative thought ' is because of my  people pleasing behavior . SHAME ON ME  . I care too much about what others think about me . I care and keep thinking about it . Their mean words only make me simply admit it without having second thought. Having  a toxic circle and non supportive people around us  can be so dangerous right ? 

For those who related with what i'm saying just now, dont worry you not alone . You know what ? You're the author on your own story . You sail your own ship . Not them . They just  anta ganist in your story thats passing by and will be forgotten . You  will shine in your own way . It takes time for sure ,but sooner or later you'll be fine . Trust me . 

Out of nowhere , I have these thought , 'having a new hope with the  same way of thinking , wont change any , you just self sabotage yourself  over and over again while hoping for the different ending.Thats such a waste of time right ? In the other example , blaming others instead of improving yourself wont giving you a good ending. So keep moving and have a good self talk . I'm not lying self talk do help a lotttt . Please do love yourself more  because if you dont , who will ? 

Till then , and keep breathing :) . 

Terima kasih untuk hari ini 

Mungkin fikiran dan hati ku tidak bersatu

Tetapi terima kasih kerna telah jujur dengan diri sendiri .

Tidak memaksakan hal yang sudah lama harus berhenti 

Tidak meneruskan sesuatu yang bukan buatmu 

Bertindak lah dengan sewajarnya 

Ikhlas dan bergerak lah mengikut arus 

Perjalanan mu masih jauh 

Masih banyak ' kenapa' yang harus kamu ikhlas kan . 

 Heyo how are you guys doing ? Lol i feel like im asking to myself . Yea that question is for me too . I hope everyone doing well . I just will post random poem about anonymous . 

Whats anonymous for you guys ? 

Have you guys ever encounter problem with attachment issue? I feel like everyone will have that kind of situation . 

So here is the poem . Well not that much but yea i will just post it :') 

*Btw i always draw first . Then write smth behind my drawing . Idk thats how my brain works . 

Thank you for reading somehow . I appreciate that . 

 Hey guys happy new year , may this year being one of years where we able to improve mentally and physically . In 2022, is really a learning process for me to know about myself more . Im glad i did that . 

It might sounds cliche but i wrote this one for me . I hope sooner or later i will just read this again and being more grateful each time i read it . 

Lets make this year meaningful :) 

For all people who read this , i hope you guys heal from whatever hurts you and may all wishes come true . Dont lost hope okay .

Salam and wassap guys . How are you doing? Im doing well as always . I just cannot sleep and its already 1 am . You know sometimes you being overthinking right after 12 am ? This is one of my thoughts . ( I wrote this around that time)

Who with me ? Are you guys introvert or extrovert ? After doing the mbti test i am introvert specifically isfj ( lol i was infj before for a long time ) . If you guys wanna know more about it i suggest you guys to search mbti test 16 personalities on google . Theres just quick questions there . 

Due to my curiosity i read one of article which stated Introvert is such a negative attitude . Its quite fun because all i know even in community introvert ppl tend to be treated in a ' wrong way'. Trust me . The words " You're too shy " " why u kinda different " " are sure you're human ?" The worst one would be " you so arrogant " i got that a lot lol . It used to hurt me a lot back then but idc anymore . I just let it be . I love myself .

The article with tittle " The Benefit Of Being Boring " stated introvert considered as -ve due to dull , no interest , no opinion . One of statement catch my eyes " its not American characteristics " i bet im born in Asia so thats why . Sarcasm detected . 

It also stated that extrovert gain energy while introvert losing energy while their interact in their social.

Do you think is it burdensome to being introvert ? Or have you guys encounter with such hate ? 

You can also claim whether you guys introvert or extrovert :) on comment section. 

I bet thats it from me. Really hope we all doing well on October :).  Dont forget your wishlist done . 

 Assalamualaikum , hello everyone 

Have good day ! I hope everyone have a good day i notice that its almost end of september fuh . 

Masa 1st September haritu my phone jatuh masa charge . Time nak charge time tu jugalah my cats nak main lompat lompat then terus jatuh pecah . Its pecah yang tak boleh bantu tu . Sebab before this pernah jatuh gak from motor so yea :') . I love that hp so much bc camera dia lawa i forgot version mana . The worst one all photo or anything dont have backup since january.  I feel like all memories been deleted lol . 

So esoknya terus beli phone baru tapi redmi. I choose redmi sebab battery tahan lama plus Sophea jenis suka play game kadang kadang so why not kan . Rasa mcm dipaksa tukar phone pun ada .

 Hey guys and assalamualaikum . How are you guys doing ? Hope you guys doing well and take care of your health okay ?Sekarang musim demam , kucing sophea pun banyak demam and ada dua ekor kittens dah meninggal.

Okay lets jump to our tittle Fast reply or late but meaningful . 

Which one do you guys prefer ?

Kalau for Sophea , i prefer yang jenis balas lambat tapi text dia meaningful . Tak kiralah for friendship or dari someone special.  Sebab i trying being considerate and i want they have such productive days and focus on their life not only me macam tu . 

I believe fast reply is kinda red flag lol . Especially if in relationship i once meet the obsessive person and trust me its totally annoying. Semua nak tau . 

Lagi ² kalau jenis jumpa fast reply tapi kita balas satu perenggan tapi dia balas nak tak nak . Kan dah boleh menimbulkan world war kat situ 😂 . Tu tak teruk lagi , lagi teruk if balas haha , typical gelak tak ikhlas tu lagi lah . 

Back to the reason why i'm okay with late texter because i'm also one of them . Ye lah kadang kita busy , read tapi lupa balas . So secara tidak langsung terblue tick . Tapi lambat macam mana Sophea akan find satu masa mood tengah okay then balas . Taklah sengaja ignore . Kalau memang saja bluetick maksudnya memang tengah annoyed lah . 

The another reason , sophea jenis senang drained kalau communicate dengan ramai orang in one day tak kira lah face to face atau secara virtual . Well thats one of INFJ (mbti) punya characteristics . So i need to find a time to recharge back my energy . Kalau tak recharge tu yang jadi hulk tu . 

So my circle usually faham if i reply lambat and they dont even blame me pun . Cuma kalau emergency i prefer call ye lah kata emergency kan why text pula haih . Kalau text pun i reply fast if penting . 

So whos same with me prefer balas lambat ? Or you guys more prefer balas cepat ? Can comment below so we can exchange opinion about it :) 

Thank you guys , for reading my entry this time . See you when i see you . Till then 🌻

 Assalamualaikum semua , 

Its been awhile tak update kat sini , maybe sebab kekurangan idea . Cepat je masa berlalu dah August kan . 

I hope August will be the month where i can improve myself 🌻 . I hope everything will going well to all of us . 

Yang semangat teruskan semangat , untuk yang bersedih ..semoga ada sinar.  Dont giving up okay . 

Teringat satu ayat ni ;

Kalau tuhan masih beri kesempatan untuk kita terus hidup , yakin kat kita . Siapalah kita untuk menidakkan hal tersebut . Kan ? Theres always a rainbow after a rain :) 

Okay tu je untuk update harini . Boleh lah share , monthly mission untuk August ni ke . Senang sikit nak blogwalking kalau dari comment :) 

Till then , seeya and take care